First love❤

My first love is someone that I truly and genuinely loved with all my heart. He was everything I ever wanted in a guy. If I were to conceptualise a list of ten desired qualities in a guy, he would score eleven out of ten.
He was my other half, this uncomprehendingly wonderful being that fulfilled my life, so much so that I sometimes doubted his existence and thought that I had contrived him in a dream.

I was 15 when we met and 16 when we dated, He was my first real boyfriend. His name–peter, and I couldn’t have been more of an idiot in love with him. We were inseparable at first, literally, our bodies were intertwined a lot at the beginning.

My friends made fun of me, and rightfully so. It didn’t matter though; I knew I wanted to spend forever with him. Forever ended up being 11 months. I had known him as a friend for a couple months previously and we did love each other.

He has really dark hair. It normally looks brown but in the light it shimmers black. He likes playing cards to pass the time. Between school and brigade practices he barely had any time for himself. But the ambition and hard work is a good trait to have. He has a slim figure. He has light skin. He wore sleeves most of the time — His Element brand.

White and blue were his favorite colors–I don’t know about that now though and they suited him well. He is really smart and has so much potential and also very stubborn and opinionated. In any argument, he always has to be right, but eventually would let me win.

The first time I saw him, I decided that he was the most perfect human being on the earth. The only presence of him nearby made me feel happy and delighted. Despite my age, I already understood that the world is made of love and it’s one of the reasons that inspires mankind to live and create. We spent much time together, we had endless themes to talk about! In the street we had a special place, where we dreamed and talked.

One day I was outside with an umbrella, the rain was dripping endlessly, a lollipop in my mouth. I felt him hug me from behind.

And at the end he stole one quick kiss, as quickly as his lips landed on mine, it left just as quickly. It was funny and unusual. I liked to pick this memory from my pocket on nasty days, and life turns bright. The memories are so deep and clear, I was still young, hanging around and singing beautiful songs about love.

My first love, I will always remember it as clear as day. We got along perfectly. We saw a future, potential and a family.

We talked everyday and he’d always check on me, no fighting, just love and glee. And three months after our breakup I still waited to see him come back to me. He inspired me, challenged me and loved me just as I was: quirks, flaws and all.

He touched my soul so deeply that I was completely vulnerable to his grasp, which was always tender and caring. He taught me what it felt like to truly love someone down to your core; what it felt like to constantly live with a burning desire, so strong that it actually pains you, and he showed me the perpetually engulfing warmth of deep, flaming, impassioned,mad love.

He dreamed up delightful visions of our future together – bright enough for both our imaginations. I loved every element of his soul. What he deemed flawed, I saw as more reasons to love him.

I loved his heartwarming smile when he became too excited about a topic of conversation; that floppy wisp of hair that he could never seem to control; the way he overused word(s) when describing his passions; his shyness when wearing ripped jeans, letting my compliments bounce off him like a tennis ball to a solid wall; the sad smile he made that accompanied a vacant stare when hearing about the death of my brothers; his confidence that was always accompanied by a tiny crevice of self-doubt, a nook that I constantly tried to fill; and his overwhelming passion for life and love: always optimistic, always grateful, always pure and true.

Our conversations were energy-filled debates of love and adoration: bursting with excitement of sharing our knowledge, truths, love and yearning to include each other in every capillary of our lives. He was my perfect puzzle piece: an over-thinker, a relentless inspiration-seeker, forever a solitary explorer,believing that life is meant for loving,and happiness is meant for sharing.

He was a down-to-earth guy, his presence an eternally rare gift. He encouraged my passions and was also my reality. My heart was safely, snuggly wrapped in a blanket of his pulchritudinous love; and so I always carried him with me, wherever I went, in my sub-conscience, in my actions, in my thoughts, in my activities.

It was as though we were one, and I was just one half of this amazingly surreal, perfect concept of us. With him by my side, I felt like I could conquer the world, reach all my goals and dream up inconceivable dreams; but with him by my side, I was just as content with dropping everything for a simple, happy life of togetherness.

I couldn’t love him enough. He was my first love, and my first heartbreak. Life without him brought me inconceivable pain. It was a pain that represented the few fighting rays of sunshine through the fog of my life; pain that set me on a path of self-discovery; pain that demanded me to keep learning; pain that taught me what it really meant to feel; and pain that forced me to open my eyes that had been blinded by the illusion that the distance between us was merely physical and not emotional.

Losing him, my entire world and the person I depended on for happiness, was a reality check of note: I was forced to avoid all distractions and take a cold, hard look at myself and finally be honest about my aspirations and how I wanted to reach them.

I had to forget about everyone else’s opinions and uncover the truth about how I felt – something I had hidden to make life easier: a demon that I should have addressed before I met him. I had to start creating my own happiness; and wow, what a challenge that has been. It’s hard to live with should haves and the mourning of unspoken words,unfulfilled moments and future memories left blank. I was desolate.

My best friend,angel, tried everything but I was an inconsolable mess. Nothing was okay. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted to go to his place and cuddle up with him. I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted him back. But the reality of our breakup was too real.

As awful as it was — Couple months later, I couldn’t be more grateful for all the lessons that I learned from it.

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Depression

Do you ever find yourself getting really irritable for almost no reason? Or suddenly feeling down without knowing why?. Going from sadness to anger to joy in a matter of minutes has been making me feel as though I’m losing my grip.

Do you know that feeling when you hate every single thing around you? Or the feeling that even someone else’s breathing can annoy you? And lets not forget that feeling when you’re just sad and you just feel so empty, for no apparent reason?

Well, being a girl, it kind of comes natural — being hormonal and all at certain times, every month. But, not only girls experience these kinds of hormonal activities, even boys do.

Everyone can experience mood swings due to the daily factors in our lives like stress, for me — PMS does it, sometimes even the food I eat, sudden changes and many other factors.

Bipolar disorder can best be compared to a mountain range. With high peaks of euphoria and deep valleys of depression, this disorder has given me periods of high–or manic stages and periods of low — or depressed stages — with some periods of normal in between.

This disorder began in the period after my broken first love — my guess is it’ll be there throughout my teen life. I don’t need to suffer needlessly for years or even decades cause I don’t recognize that I have the disorder. As long as I am informed of the disorder — the suffering can be avoided. Bipolar disorder can be recognized by many signs and awareness is the key to the treatment.

One symptom of bipolar disorder is severe irritability and mood swings Me snapping at my friends, most times my little sister, can be taken as a sign of depression.

Certain situations has led me to a life of unhappy irritability and mood swings. My inability to trust is an after effect of these things. Needless to say mood swings cannot be avoided yet it can be coped with and I Make sure to get enough sleep and Keep my bedroom as dark as possible as this stimulates production of melatonin(Low melatonin levels are linked with depression.) or so–somebody said. And getting enough sleep .

It is quite hard to find enough time,but getting adequate rest is very important — as being tired can lead to more sadness and irritability. It sometimes feel as though there just isn’t enough time to do everything. Being a teen means struggling with identity and self-image. Being accepted by friends — feels extremely important.

Couple months ago, for the first time, I noticed a sense of distance from my family. I had felt I wanted to be on my own and make my own decisions, but it also seemed overwhelming and even a bit lonely. As fun and exciting as this time was, it was also a time of confusion and conflict. It took me a while to feel comfortable with the transition from childhood to adulthood.

When puberty began, my body started producing sex hormones. These hormones —estrogen and progesterone in girls and testosterone in guys caused physical changes in my body–they also seemed to cause emotional changes — the ups and downs that felt out of control. Understanding that almost everyone goes through mood swings during their teen years made it easier to handle.

When It’s More Than Just a Mood, Feeling irritable or short-tempered can be signs of depression. I used to think of depression as just feeling sad, but depression also bring feelings of moodiness, impatience, anger, or even just not caring.

When depression gets in the way of enjoying life or dealing with others, I would say that that’s a sign you need to do something about it, talk to someone who can help you deal with it.

By analyzing depression, we will find that depression is a disease that afflicts the human psyche in such a way that the afflicted tends to act and react abnormally toward others and himself. Depression in this age group is greatly underdiagnosed and can lead to serious difficulties.

In dealing with depression, Recognizing that I wasn’t alone kept me from going over the rails. So did Catching my breath — counting to 20. And doing something that let would let me settle down for a few moments, especially when I was feeling angry or irritable. And if that doesn’t work–Talk to people you trust. Friends can help each other by realizing that they’re not alone in their feelings. Talking to parents is important, too. Keeping feelings inside can make them seem much worse.

So create

Get involved in some sort of project, like starting a journal or diary, build a site or something out of sand, or starting an art or music piece. Writing can help you organize and express your thoughts and feelings and will make things more manageable. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or punctuation; the important thing is just to get your thoughts on paper. Do the same thing with paint, sculpture, music, or other art forms. Put your feelings into your artwork.

Cry

There’s nothing wrong with crying; in fact, it often makes me feel better. However, if you find that you are sad, irritable, bored, or hopeless most of the time, or if you just can’t seem to shake the blues, you might be depressed and need help from a doctor or a counselor. If you’re feeling stressed or angry a lot of the time, getting help could be very useful for you. Just as you can get into a bad mood for what seems like no reason at times, that mood can also pass. If your negative mood sticks around too long, though — or if it’s interfering with the way you deal with friends, parents, school, or activities — then you may want to talk to a school counselor, parent, or therapist about what you can do to feel better.

Unbeknown

In the beginning I had such a hard time trying to find a topic to write about. I walked around outside, and observed everything yet I couldn’t find anything that sparked my interest at the moment. My mom always told me that when I was younger I constantly asked questions and was the perfect fit for a barrister so I wondered why I was having difficulty finding a question to ask now.

Curiosity refers to the strong desire to know something. To see the unseen and to know the unknown is inherent in human nature. We ride a bike to feel its majesty. We rush to the rain to be thrilled with its roughness and to the sand to apprehend its smoothness. All to satisfy curiosity. Curiosity is the mother of knowledge. In fact, curiosity acts as a driving force behind many a discovery or invention.

It is the mainspring of every advance of human civilization.
Curiosity opens new prospects and produces newer interest to further progress. And just as it is knowledgeable–when curiosity is unhealthy, it leads to danger and degradation. Girls and boys become addicted to drugs when they go on to satisfy their unhealthy curiosity to it. If curiosity is used in a healthy direction, it leads us to new avenues of progress and prosperity.

Curiosity Convinced Eve to eat the fruit that God specifically told her not to. Curiosity Unleashed evil to man with the opening of a box–pandora’s box. This insatiable lust of the mind exposes us to new, unknown paths whilst enhancing our overall well-being and quality of life. It improves our health and increases our intelligence ultimately making us happier. As we grow, so does our innate sense of curiosity – the desire to know the unknown.

We are all born with boundless curiosity that grows with our every desire to know and grasp the unknown. As we grow older, a conflict arises between the anxious mind and the curious spirit. It is our instinct to explore, but it is our desire to conform.

At a certain point, I stopped asking questions, because I learnt that it supposedly makes me look stupid. I ultimately stopped putting myself in positions where I am exposed to uncertainty and therefore vulnerable. what if in my pursuit of a secure and relaxed life, I lose sight of what really drives me.

But why? Is it because curiosity killed the cat? If it were not for curious minds, we would not understand why X-5=78 or what E equals to. So curiosity may have killed the cat, but satisfaction will surely bring it back.
The future belongs to the curious – both theoretically and literally–a never ending growth of knowledge and understanding.

At any moment, we have the power to step outside our doors and read or experience something new, ending in an array of human intellect. It is our curiosity about the unknown and actions following it that satiates this burning desire. So cultivate the curiosity, find the unfamiliar within the familiar, and thrive on uncertainty because curiosity killed the cat, but it surely aids the human.

Without it, we would still be living in cold, dark caves, eating raw meat, drawing on rocks, and grunting at one another.